Lord of Chaos twot-6 Page 43

  Climbing to her feet, she straightened her twisted sweat-soaked shift and padded across the layered carpets to the washbasin, a carved crystal bowl that had probably once held wine punch for some nobleman. In any case, it held plain water as well as the blue-glazed pitcher did, water that hardly felt cool at all when she splashed it on her face. Her gaze met her own eyes in the small gilt-framed mirror propped against the dark tent wall, and her cheeks crimsoned.

  "Well, what did you think would happen?" she whispered. She would not have thought it possible, but her reflection’s face grew redder.

  It had only been a dream, not like Tel’aran’rhiod, where what happened to you was real when you woke. But she remembered everything, just as if it had been real. She thought her cheeks might burn right off. Just a dream, and Gawyn’s dream at that. He had no right to dream about her like that.

  "It was all his doing," she told her reflection angrily, "not mine! I had no choice in it!" Her mouth snapped shut ruefully. Trying to hold a man at fault for his dreams. And talking to a mirror like a goose-head.

  Pausing at the door flap, she stooped to peer out. Her low tent stood on the edge of the Aiel encampment. The gray walls of Cairhien rose some two miles to the west across the bare hills, with nothing between except the charred ground where Foregate had once encircled the city. By the sharp cast to the light, the sun was just peeking over the horizon, yet Aiel already bustled among the tents.

  No early rising for her this morning. After a whole night out of her body — her cheeks heated again; Light, was she going to go the rest of her life blushing over a dream? She was very much afraid she might — after that she could sleep until afternoon. The smell of cooking porridge was no competition for heavy eyelids.

  Wearily she went back to her blankets and collapsed, rubbing her temples. She was too tired to prepare the sleepwell root, but then, she thought she was too tired for it to matter. The dull pain always faded in an hour or so; it would be gone when she woke.

  Given everything, it was no surprise that Gawyn filled her dreams. Sometimes she repeated one of his, though not exactly, of course; in her versions, certain embarrassing events just did not occur, or at least were glossed over. Gawyn spent a good deal more time reciting poetry, and holding her while they watched sunrises and sunsets. He did not stumble over saying he loved her, either. And he looked as handsome as he really was. Others were all her own. Tender kisses that lasted forever. Him kneeling while she cupped his head in her hands. Some made no sense. Twice, right atop one another, she dreamed of taking him by the shoulders and trying to turn him to face the other way against his will. Once he brushed her hands away roughly; the other time, she was somehow stronger than he. The two blended together hazily. In another he began swinging a door closed on her, and she knew if that narrowing gap of light vanished, she was dead.

  Dreams tumbled through her head, not all of him, and usually nightmarish.

  Perrin came and stood before her, a wolf lying at his feet, a hawk and a falcon perched on his shoulders glaring at each other over his head. Seemingly unaware of them, he kept trying to throw away that axe of his, until finally he ran, the axe floating through the air, chasing him. Again Perrin; he turned away from a Tinker and ran, faster and faster though she called for him to come back. Mat spoke strange words she almost understood — the Old Tongue, she thought — and two ravens alighted on his shoulders, claws sinking through his coat into the flesh beneath. He seemed no more aware of them than Perrin had been of the hawk and falcon, yet defiance passed across his face, and then grim acceptance. In another a woman, face shrouded in shadow, beckoned him toward great danger; Egwene did not know what, only that it was monstrous. Several concerned Rand, not all bad, but all odd. Elayne, forcing him to his knees with one hand. Elayne and Min and Aviendha, sitting in a silent circle around him, each in turn reaching out to lay a hand on him. Him walking toward a burning mountain, something crunching beneath his boots. She stirred and whimpered; the crunching things were the seals on the Dark One’s prison, shattering with his every step. She knew it. She did not need to see them to know.

  Feeding on fear, her dreams became worse. The two strange women she had been seeing in Tel’aran’rhiod caught her and dragged her before a table full of hooded women, and when they took off their hoods, every one was Liandrin, the Black sister who had captured her in Tear. A hard-faced Seanchan woman handed her a silvery bracelet and necklace connected by a silvery leash, an a’dam. That made her cry out; Seanchan had put an a’dam on her once. She would die before letting it happen again. Rand capered through the streets of Cairhien, laughing as he blasted buildings and people with lightning and fire, and other men ran with him, hurling the Power; that awful amnesty of his had been announced in Cairhien, but surely no man would choose to channel. The Wise Ones caught her in Tel’aran’rhiod and sold her like an animal in the lands beyond the Aiel Waste; that was what they did to Cairhienin they found in the Waste. She stood outside herself, watching her face melt, her skull crack open, and dimly seen shapes poke at her with hard sticks. Poke at her. Poke…

  She bolted up, gasping, and Cowinde sat back on her heels beside the bed, head bowed in the cowl of her white woolen robe.

  "Forgive me, Aes Sedai. I only meant to wake you to break the night’s fast."

  "You didn’t have to jab a hole in my ribs," Egwene muttered, and was instantly sorry.

  Irritation flared in Cowinde’s deep blue eyes, and was snuffed out, hidden behind the gai’shain mask of compliant acceptance. Sworn to obey meekly and touch no weapon for a year and a day, gai’shain accepted whatever happened, whether a rude word, a blow, even a knife in the heart very likely. Though to an Aiel, killing a gai’shain was the same as killing a child. There was no excuse; the perpetrator would be struck down by his own brother or sister. Yet it was a mask, Egwene was certain. Gai’shain worked at it doggedly, but they were still Aiel, and a people less meek Egwene could not imagine. Even one like Cowinde, who refused to put off the white when her year and a day was done. Her refusal was an act of stubborn pride and defiance, as much as any man refusing to retreat from ten enemies. Such tangles the Aiel’s ji’e’toh got them into.

  That was one reason Egwene tried to watch how she spoke to gai’shain, especially those like Cowinde. They had no way to fight back without violating everything they believed in. On the other hand, Cowinde had been a Maiden of the Spear, and would be again if she could ever be convinced to put off that robe. Forgetting the Power, she could probably tie Egwene into a knot while honing a spear at the same time.

  "I do not want any breakfast," Egwene told her. "Just go away and let me sleep."

  "No breakfast?" Amys said, necklaces and bracelets of ivory and silver and gold clicking as she ducked into the tent. She wore no rings — Aiel did not — but for the rest she had on enough to do three women with some to spare. "I thought your appetite at least had recovered fully."

  Bair and Melaine followed her in, each as bedecked with jewelry. The three were from different clans, but where most other. Wise Ones who had crossed the Dragonwall stayed close to their septs, their tents were together nearby. They took places on bright, tasseled cushions at the foot of her bedding, adjusting the dark shawls Aiel women never seemed to be without. Those not Far Dareis Mai, anyway. Amys was as white-haired as Bair, but where Bair’s grandmotherly face bore deep creases, Amys looked oddly young, perhaps because of the contrast between hair and face. She said it had been nearly as pale when she was a child.

  Usually Bair or Amys took the lead, but today Melaine, sun-haired and green-eyed, spoke first. "If you stop eating, you cannot get well. We had considered letting you come to the next meeting with the other Aes Sedai — they ask every time when you will come — "

  "And make wetlander fools of themselves every time," Amys put in acidly. She was not a sour woman, but the Aes Sedai in Salidar seemed to make her so. Maybe it was just meeting Aes Sedai. By custom, Wise Ones avoided them, especially Wise Ones who could
channel, like Amys and Melaine. Besides, they were not pleased that the Aes Sedai had replaced Nynaeve and Elayne at the meetings. Neither was Egwene. She suspected the Wise Ones felt they had impressed those two with the seriousness of Tel’aran’rhiod. By the fragments she heard of the meetings now, the Aes Sedai were not impressed at all. Very little impressed Aes Sedai.

  "But we may have to think again," Melaine went on calmly. She had been prickly as a thornbush before her recent marriage, but little seemed to crack her composure now. "You must not return to the dream until your body has its full strength back."

  "Your eyes are pinched," Bair said in a concerned, reedy voice that matched her face. In many ways she was the hardest of the three, though. "Did you sleep poorly?"

  "How could she otherwise?" Amys asked grumpily. "I tried to look in on her dreams three times last night, and found nothing. No one can sleep well if they do not dream."

  Egwene’s mouth went dry in a heartbeat; her tongue clove to the roof of her mouth. They would have to check on the one night she was not back in her body in just a few hours.

  Melaine frowned. Not at Egwene; at Cowinde, still kneeling with her head down. "There is a pile of sand near my tent," she said with something near her old sharpness. "You will search it grain by grain until you find one red grain. If it is not the one I seek, you will have to begin again. Go now." Cowinde merely bowed until her face touched the colorful carpets, then scampered out. Looking at Egwene, Melaine smiled pleasantly. "You seem surprised. If she will not do what is proper on her own, I will make her decide to do it. Since she claims to serve me yet, she is still my responsibility."

  Bair’s long hair swung as she shook her head. "It will not work." She adjusted her shawl on angular shoulders. Egwene sweated in just her shift, with the sun not really up yet, but the Aiel were used to far hotter. "I have beaten Juric and Beira until my arm wearied, but however many times I tell them to take off the white, they are back in the robes before sunset."

  "It is an abomination," Amys muttered. "Since we crossed into the wetlands, a full quarter of those whose time is done have refused to return to their septs. They twist ji’e’toh beyond its meaning."

  That was Rand’s doing. He had revealed to all what only clan chiefs and Wise Ones had known before, that once all Aiel had refused to touch weapons or do violence. Now some believed they all properly should be gai’shain. Others refused to accept Rand as the Car’a’carn because of it, and still a few each day went to join the Shaido in the mountains to the north. Some simply threw down their weapons and vanished; no one knew what came of them. Taken by the bleakness, the Aiel called it. The strangest part of it to Egwene was that none of the Aiel blamed Rand, except the Shaido anyway. The Prophecy of Rhuidean said that the Car’a’carn would take them back and destroy them. Back to what, none seemed certain, but that he would destroy them, somehow, they accepted as calmly as Cowinde had begun a task she knew was hopeless.

  Right that moment Egwene would not have cared if every Aiel in Cairhien donned a white robe. Let these Wise Ones even suspect what she had been up to… She would have dug through a hundred piles of sand, willingly, but she did not think she would be so lucky. Her punishment would be much worse. Once Amys had said if she failed to do exactly as she was told — the World of Dreams being too dangerous, without that promise — Amys would no longer teach her. No doubt the others would agree; that was the punishment she feared. Better a thousand piles of sand under a broiling sun.

  "Do not look so shaken," Bair chuckled. "Amys is not angry at all wetlanders, certainly not at you, who have become like a daughter of our tents. It is your sister Aes Sedai. The one called Carlinya suggested we may be holding you against your will."

  "Suggested?" Amys’ pale eyebrows climbed nearly to her hairline. "The woman said as much!"

  "And learned to guard her tongue better." Bair laughed, rocking on her scarlet cushion. "I will wager she did. When we left them, she was still yelping and trying to get those scarlet puffers out of her dress. A scarlet puffer," she confided to Egwene, "looks much like a red adder if your eye is dull like a wetlander’s, but it is not poisonous. It does wriggle when confined, though."

  Amys sniffed. "They would have been gone if she thought of them gone. The woman learns nothing. The Aes Sedai we served in the Age of Legends could not have been such fools." But she sounded mollified.

  Melaine was chortling quite openly, and Egwene found herself giggling too. Some Aiel humor was beyond explaining, but not this. She had only met Carlinya three times, but the image of that stiff, icily supercilious woman dancing about trying to haul snakes out of her dress — it was all she could do to keep from laughing out loud.

  "At least your humor is in good fettle," Melaine said. "The head pains have not come back?"

  "My head feels fine," Egwene lied, and Bair nodded.

  "Good. We were worried when they persisted. So long as you refrain from entering the dream for a while longer, they should stay away. Do not fear you suffer any ill effect from them; the body uses pain to tell us to rest."

  That nearly made Egwene laugh again, though not in humor. Aiel ignored gaping wounds and broken bones because they could not be bothered right then. "How much longer do I have to stay, out?" she asked. She hated lying to them, but she hated doing nothing even worse. The first ten days after Lanfear hit her with whatever that had been were bad enough; then she could not even think without her head splitting. Once she could, what her mother called "the itchy hands of idleness" had driven her into Tel’aran’rhiod behind the Wise Ones’ backs. You learned nothing resting. "The next meeting, you said?"

  "Perhaps," Melaine replied with a shrug. "We will see. But you must eat. If your desire for food is gone, something is wrong that we do not know."

  "Oh, I can eat." The porridge cooking outside did smell good. "I was just being lazy, I suppose." Getting up without wincing was a chore; her head did not like being moved yet. "I thought of some more questions last night."

  Melaine rolled her eyes in amusement. "Since you were hurt you ask five questions for every one you asked before."

  Because she was trying to puzzle things out for herself. She could not say that, of course, so she just dug a clean shift from one of the small chests lining the tent wall and exchanged it for her sweaty one.

  "Questions are good," Bair said. "Ask."

  Egwene chose her words carefully. And went on with her dressing, casually, in the same white algode blouse and bulky wool skirt the Wise Ones wore. "Is it possible to be pulled into someone’s dream against your will?"

  "Of course not," Amys said, "not unless your touch is all thumbs."

  But right on top of her, Bair said, "Not unless there is strong emotion involved. If you try to watch the dream of someone who loves or hates you, you can be pulled in. Or if you love or hate them. That last is why we do not dare try to watch Sevanna’s dreams, or even to speak with the Shaido Wise Ones in their dreams." It still surprised Egwene that these women, and the other Wise Ones, all visited and talked with the Shaido Wise Ones. Wise Ones were supposed to be above feuds and battles, but she would have thought opposing the Car’a’carn, vowing to kill him, took the Shaido well beyond that. "Leaving the dream of someone who hates you, or loves you," Bair finished, "is like trying to climb from a deep pit with sheer sides."

  "There is that." Amys seemed to recover her humor suddenly; she gave Melaine a sidelong glance. "That is why no dream-walker ever makes the mistake of trying to watch her husband’s dreams." Melaine stared straight ahead, face darkening. "She does not make it twice anyway," Amys added.

  Bair grinned, deepening the creases of her face, and very pointedly did not look at Melaine. "It can be quite a shock, especially if he is angry with you. If, to choose an example from air, ji’e’toh takes him away from you, and you, like some silly child, were foolish enough to tell him he would not go if he loved you."

  "This is running far afield from her question," a crimson-faced Melaine said stiffly.
Bair cackled loudly.

  Egwene stifled curiosity, and amusement. She made her voice ever so offhanded. "What if you don’t try to look in?" Melaine gave her a grateful look, and she felt a twinge of guilt. Not enough that she would not ask for the whole story later, though. Anything that made Melaine blush so had to be hilarious.

  "I heard of such a thing," Bair said, "when I was young and just beginning to learn. Mora, the Wise One of Colrada Hold, trained me, and she said that if the emotion was very strong, love or hate so great it left room for nothing else, you could be drawn in merely by letting yourself be aware of the other’s dream."

  "I have never heard anything like that," Melaine said. Amys merely looked doubtful.

  "Nor have I from any save Mora," Bair told them, "but she was a remarkable woman. It was said she was approaching her three hundredth year when she died from a bloodsnake’s bite, yet she looked as young as either of you. I was only a girl, but I remember her well. She knew many things, and could channel strongly. Other Wise Ones came from every clan to learn from her. I think love so great, or hate so, is very rare, but she said this happened to her twice, once with the first man she married, and once with a rival for her third husband’s interest."

  ‘Three hundred?" Egwene exclaimed, a soft knee-high boot half-laced. Surely even Aes Sedai did not live that long.

  "I said that it was said," Bair replied, smiling. "Some women age more slowly than others, like Amys here, and when it is a woman like Mora, tales are born. Someday I will tell you the story of how Mora moved a mountain. Supposedly, at least."

  "Another day?" Melaine said a touch too politely. Plainly she still smarted over whatever had happened in Bael’s dream, and over the fact the others knew. "I heard every tale of Mora when I was a child; I have them all by heart, I think. If Egwene ever finishes dressing, we must see her fed." A gleam in her green eyes said she meant to watch every bite go down; clearly her suspicions about Egwene’s health had not been soothed. "And answer the rest of her questions."